A little boy said to his mommy, “I’m scared to go to bed by myself.”
She asked him why, and he indicated that he didn’t want to be alone.
In response, she said, “What if, instead you said to yourself, ‘Mommy and Daddy are here if I need them. I’m not scared.’”
“Ok,” he said.
He walked over to his bed, laid on the mattress without a blanket (as was his preference), and quietly he repeated this mantra again and again. The mother sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the dark room, breathed a sigh of relief, hoping he may put himself to sleep.
30 seconds later…
“Mommy,” the little boy said.
(“Yes??!” she thought.)
“I’m scared,” he said.
“Okay honey, how about this? Say, ‘I’m a little scared, but that’s okay. Mommy and Daddy are here if I need them.’ Does that feel better to you?”
“Yes. Mommy don’t forget the words,” he said.
He laid back down, and whispered what was newly suggested to him… The mother sat back in the rocking chair in the corner of the dark room, breathed a sigh of relief, hoping again that he would fall asleep on his own.
And then 30 seconds later…
Sometimes we feel a negative emotion. Here are some examples — maybe we feel guilty thinking about how we are showing up as a parent or spouse; maybe we feel overwhelmed thinking about the amount of work we have to do; or maybe anxiety comes up as we think about if we are making the right choices for ourselves and our families.
Through coaching, through this work, we know that our feelings come from our thoughts. The idea that “I’m not doing enough” makes us feel guilty. “There is so much to do!” causes a feeling of overwhelm. And the thought of “I don’t know if things will turn out okay” may cause anxiety.
I teach about how we can let go of a thought that does not help us, and in its place create an intentional thought that does. From that thought, we can create a model to see how we will feel and act in a situation, and ultimately determine the results we want to see in our lives.
It seems easy – just let go of one thought, and then replace it with another.
Very occasionally it is easy – awareness of this simple concept may be enough to transform our perspectives.
HOWEVER, the great majority of the time, it is not so easy. It takes time to change a way of thinking. In certain situations, we may not be 100% ready to take the leap. Our minds may not be open to the change. We may need to spend some time practicing what it will feel like being a person who doesn’t think “that way” any more, allowing ourselves glimpses of that existence before that way of being fully takes form.
So, do we stop? Do we just stop trying to change? Do we let ourselves believe that it’s not possible? That it wasn’t meant for us? Absolutely not.
We keep going. Even if we can’t yet see who it is that we will be on the other side, we hold the belief, and in that mindset that it is possible to change. And having that belief, we keep trying until we find a way that works.
There is no rush to get there. There is no better place “over there.” We are meant to experience the challenges in our lives. We are meant to learn how to overcome them in our own time. And when we do, we will be in a place of our choosing, and that is the difference.
We can learn how to be in control of our minds – to be deliberate in thinking in ways that serve us and be deliberate in choosing how we feel. We can be in control of when we feel sad, disappointed, and angry. When the human experience brings us anxiety and fear – we can learn to be present with those emotions too. And so importantly, we can remember that we can choose positivity as well. But this will all be learned in time. This work is not easy, nor is it quick. But it is beautifully simple and accessible.
Through this work, become the next version of yourself through patience and compassion for yourself during your journey.
The little boy in the story above, he was still scared to go to bed on his own, and that’s okay. He tried that night to go to bed on his own, but he couldn’t, and that’s okay. He tried, he really tried his best, and that’s all that anyone could ask for.
His mom laid down next to him, patted his back as he requested, and told him she loved him. And that’s exactly how it was meant to be that night.
Look at the challenges you are having in your life right now. Remember that I am here to help you. Remember that you have so much ability to keep growing and moving forward. It may not always turn out “perfectly” – but it was never meant to. Remember that the challenges you are experiencing are not a sign that you are weak. Not at all. They are an opportunity to grow yourself. Who would you be if no part of your life had been difficult? Who will you be because you have overcome and learned from your life’s challenges?
P.S. Interested to learn more about how you can become the next version of yourself? Learn how you can get your work done so you have more quality time with your family. Make confident and guilt-free decisions about your career. Schedule a 25-minute consultation with me: CLICK HERE